My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
