You're my little dorito
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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