I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
