Umm I'm too high to move.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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