I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
