my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
