I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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