at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
