it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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