youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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