Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
