I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
