after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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