i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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