my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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