I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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