i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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