That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
