Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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