apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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