Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
