I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
