mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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