Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
