Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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