I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
