I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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