You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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