the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
