i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
