listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
