Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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