there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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