Kiss
Puke
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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