I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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