Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
