This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
