i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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