But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
