As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
