so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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