I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
