apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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