Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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