You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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