This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
