Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
