I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
