So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
