I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
