so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
