At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I deserve this hangover.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
