I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
