You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
