Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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