Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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