So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
