My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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