the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
