I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
