i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
