I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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