Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
