did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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