On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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