There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
