We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
