awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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