I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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