My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize