Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
