My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
