I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
