tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
