Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
