I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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