the condom got lost in my hair
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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