Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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