I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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