I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
